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If You Only Do One Thing Today…

We humans are wired to look for danger. I love Alison Armstrong’s distinction between Human Spirit and Human Animal and Human Animal’s last evolutionary upgrade was 40,000 years ago when we developed the capacity to speak and use language. In evolutionary terms it’s been a second or two since we were cave man or cave woman, out hunting and gathering where it was imperative to ensure that we weren’t the prey. Even the bite from a small, frightened creature could turn poisonous and kill us so vigilance was essential.

In today’s world we are immeasurably safer, but it doesn’t feel that way. We are bombarded with “news” — the latest wars, famine, attacks on our bodies or our finances. I don’t mean to belittle any of these events which are truly horrendous for those involved, rather that we can feel as if they are all around us and ever present when the truth is that these are exceptional events, not the commonplace.

To find our own equilibrium, we must balance the scales and recognise the good, the beautiful and the wonder of the world. When I was at my lowest ebb, struggling with bereavement, the breakdown of my marriage and my sense of self, I started to journal. I ONLY allowed myself to write positive things. I saw a beautiful flower in full bloom on the roadside. A stranger held the door for me as I entered a coffee shop. A builder called “Mornin’ Luv” as I passed the scaffolding he was putting up. It’s so easy not to “clock” these moments as we rush from meeting to meeting, bad news headline to sad news story, and are caught up in our internal chatter about “why so and so did that” or “what am I going to make for dinner?”.

There is beauty all around us — even in the weeds. Random acts of kindness do happen, with more regularity than we might realise, as people offer up their seat, their loose change, or their time to help others. Part of the success of Mindfulness is because it draws people into the present tense and gives space to see these things that we might otherwise fail to notice.

When I moved out of the family home into a small new build, I set criteria for what “stuff” I would allow into my new life. It had to be beautiful, useful or life affirming. Out went the broken pots, the excessive memorabilia my mum had carried with her (I kept the precious bits — photos, letters, some books, and ornaments — just not everything which had weighed her down and threatened me with the same), the side table I might repair “one day” (but hadn’t for the last 6 years) and so on. My fresh start felt fresh indeed as everything actually functioned like it should or added a smile to my day every time I saw it.

So, what has caused you to smile today? Is it the vase that you bought on holiday 20 years ago lurking at the back of your cupboard that brought back happy memories when you fished it out? Maybe someone let your car into the lane without you being stuck for ages at a difficult exit. Perhaps the rain that you would usually curse is well timed because you’ve just put out seedlings. Maybe your boss was out of the office today so you had some peace — yes, it’s hard to notice the absence of something and yet that can be a positive too.

The day my mother died, as I left the hospital for the last time, I saw a distraught couple wrestling with the car park ticket machine so offered them my own — valid for the balance of the week. They had no way of knowing the hollow despair I was feeling and yet years later I remember their expressions of delight and relief too. And the sting in the tail, when I did indeed have to return to the hospital to collect mum’s death certificate so could have used that car parking ticket again myself! Maybe I’m being very British when I say, “you have to laugh…” and certainly my mum would have chuckled.

What one thing has added to YOUR life today? A joke, a compliment, something beautiful, an act of kindness, unexpected contact from a friend, sunshine (did I say I live in the UK?!), rain, a thank you, a good book, a delicious snack? There will be something if you only look. Maybe you’ve been able to add to someone else’s life? Let’s each balance our own scales and look for the good rather than being forever ground down by the bad and the ugly.

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