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Communication Skills in the Family

When my daughter was about nine or ten years old, she got into the habit of shrugging in answer to any question when she wasn’t sure of her response.  It was deemed unacceptably rude by her teachers who were used to dealing with nice little girls rather than the wannabe teenage she was fast becoming.  I encouraged her to “use her words” rather than recognising that she was a Generator who shrugged when she didn’t have a clear “yes” response.  It was the same request I’d made of  her when she was preschooler saying ‘ah-ha” or “uh-huh” rather than “yes” or “no” – as a Projector I don’t have that sense of energy rising or falling and I had not yet discovered the wonders of Human Design and how it can help us understand each other better.

Human Design can give a myriad of insight into communication styles, from your activations or lack thereof in the Throat Centre, your Decision-making Authority, your Profile and more.  The focus of this post is on how an understanding of Human Design Type can both help us talk and understand each other better and most especially how to help your children find the ways of being and communicating that work for them, rather than them simply copying you or apparently rebelling.  Let’s look at each Type in turn: –


Manifestors

Manifestors are initiators and are known for their ability to start projects and make things happen, creating a certain independence and a powerful impact.

  • Inform Before Acting: There can be a natural resistance from Manifestors who hate “asking permission”.  Giving Manifestor children clear boundaries so they can learn the distinction between what needs permission and what you just need to know will help you all. 
  • Be Clear and Direct: As a natural initiator, clear and direct communication can help others align with your hopes and dreams.  Encouraging Manifestor children to be straight-forward and just say it as it is for them will help them honour their Type. If they run into trouble, explaining why something doesn’t land well will help them hone their empathy and communication skills. 
  • Respect Autonomy: Understand that while you value your autonomy, others might have opinions and inputs. Set clear boundaries and listen but remember that as an adult, you don’t always need consensus to move forward. Once your child is old enough, discuss their need for autonomy and engage them in deciding where the boundaries are in your family.  These will need to change as the child grows up so an agreed way of re-drawing boundaries will also help.  Engaging your Manifestor child in these discussions will aid their understanding and enhance compliance! 
  • Keep Dialogue Open: Be mindful of how your communication style may impact others and strive for open dialogue .Encourage your child to share their ideas and insights however weird and wonderful – Manifestors are born to initiate so this gives you an opportunity to encourage their better ideas into form.


Generators

Generators are characterised by having life-force energy and vitality, giving them a consistent and sustainable energy supply, allowing them to engage in activities for extended periods of time. 

  • Respond Instead of Initiating:  As an adult, wait to respond rather than initiating communication. This aligns with your Sacral Authority and often leads to more fruitful interactions. One of the best ways of supporting Generator children is to help them tune into their Sacral response.  When you hear “ah-ha” translate that for them into “ooh, you sound interested in that – is it a “yes”?”.  Likewise, when you hear “uh-huh” say something along the lines of “sounds like that doesn’t appeal – is that a “no” or maybe a “not now”?” 
  • Use Body Language: As a Generator, your energy can be felt. Use body language to communicate your enthusiasm or lack thereof.  Encourage your child to “read” body language so they can start to put language to it both for themselves and for others.  It’s one a Generator’s super-powers! 
  • Clarify Your Statements: Clearly communicate what you are and are not willing to commit to, to avoid over-committing and draining your energy.  Ask questions to ensure a clear understanding. Set your Generator child up for success by showing them how best to ask questions to ensure they really understand something. 
  • Show your Enthusiasm: Use your natural enthusiasm and passion to engage others in conversation and allow the natural enthusiasm of your Generator child to shine – it’s infectious! 


Manifesting Generators

Manifesting Generators are known for their versatility and multitasking abilities having the sustainable energy of Generators coupled with the ability to initiate like Manifestors so long as they are in response first. 

  • Manage Expectations: You may change interests quickly, so it’s important to manage expectations and communicate changes.  This is also true of your Manifesting Generator children who may need a lot of clarity about commitments and when it is or is not acceptable to change their minds.  They are designed to “test the waters” before committing so make explicit when they must choose one way or another. 
  • Be Patient and Explanation: As a Manifesting Generator, you may jump between topics. Be patient and take the time to explain your thoughts fully.  The Manifesting Generator child is unlikely to see one task through to completion before starting another – they will multi-task much like their adult equivalent.  Rather than trying to manage their process, it may be easier to agree deadlines by when tasks will be complete and leave them to their own unique process. 
  • Express Your Enthusiasm: Share your passions and interests openly, as your energy is contagious and can inspire others.  Likewise encourage the enthusiasms of your Manifesting Generator child – they are just as delightfully infectious as the enthusiasms of the Generator! 
  • Be Open: Share your thoughts and ideas openly, allowing for flexibility and adaptability in the conversation and encourage a Manifesting Generator child to do likewise.


Projectors

Projectors are natural guides with an ability to see and understand others. They often possess a innate talent for guiding, managing, and directing others.

  • Wait for Recognition: As a Projector, it’s important to communicate your insights when you feel recognized and invited. This ensures your input is valued.  Teaching your Projector child to recognise invitations is one of the most helpful things you can do for them, as well as encouraging a healthy regard for choosing whether to accept or not.  Remember a raised eyebrow can be just as much of an invitation as a gold-embossed formal invite with an RSVP!  It’s equally important to remember to invite your Projector child, they won’t necessarily assume it’s ok to share ideas or join in family games for example.  They are natural outsiders. 
  • Ask Questions: Encourage others to think deeply by asking questions. This can guide them to insights without you having to impose your views.  Applaud your Projector child for asking questions – this gives them the recognition they need to feel safe and valued and enhances their learning. 
  • Be Concise: Projectors often see the big picture. Be concise and get to the point, as this can be more impactful.  Once invited, your Projector child may delight in the attention and “hog the stage”! Encourage them to start with the main point and then add more as requested. 
  • Respect your need for rest and ensure you have the energy to engage in meaningful conversations. Help your Projector child to recognise right timing, both for their audience (they have an invitation) and for themselves (they have the energy) and honour their request to defer a conversation whilst scheduling time so it doesn’t get forgotten.

Reflectors

Reflectors have a unique energetic makeup making them highly sensitive to their environment and the energies of people around them.

  • Share Observations: Reflectors have a unique ability to observe and reflect on the environment and community. Share your observations to provide valuable insights.  Encourage a Reflector child to share their observations and insights too, recognising that the better they are received, the more your child will share.  Getting curious about their insights is a great way to do this. 
  • Seek Diverse Opinions: Engage with a diverse range of people to enrich your perspective before communicating your thoughts.  A Reflector child is absorbing huge amounts of information from the world at all times, and they need processing time.  Helping them to ask questions of others to hone their understanding both adds to their insights and gives them extra time to digest what they are absorbing. 
  • Use Timing Wisely: Choose the timing of your communication wisely, as your energy and perceptions can change with the lunar cycle. Opt for moments when you feel particularly clear and grounded.  Teach your Reflector child to express themselves without sounding dogmatic – it will be better received and allows room for changes of mind which they may be prone to. Helping them ground themselves (a few deep breaths is a great start) before they launch into anything important will help them remain present in the conversation. 
  • Offer Different Perspectives: Share your unique insights and observations with others to offer a different perspective.  Make it ok for your Reflector child to have different ideas too – less than 1% of the population are Reflectors so they are bound to feel different from their peers.

Remember, these suggestions are general and may not apply to every individual within a specific Human Design Type. Communication styles can vary greatly based on personal experiences, cultural background, and individual preferences. It’s important to honour your unique communication style and encourage your child’s.  Please adapt these guidelines to suit your own needs and the needs of your family. Effective communication with other adults is a dynamic and evolving process that involves active listening, mutual respect, and a willingness to understand and be understood.  With children, you are both seeking to understand them and helping them hone their communication skills to enhance their relationships – whilst it’s life-long learning you can help them learn both to be true to themselves and to communicate well.

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